( A pure fiction, do enjoy reading and comment if you loved it <3 )
What would Duffer be doing right now? I want to text him and know about how his day has been. Will my text disturb him? AHh why am I thinking this much. Why am I thinking about him, why about his day, why God why??? I couldn't stop thinking about him. To be honest my diary from the last few months might have got tired by listening about Duffer. What was he for me? What was I for him? What are we together?
#tingg# The notification took my attention for a minute. It was a text from him. OK what Else WouLD MAke my HEart explode ?!
"Supp Dummy?"
"Nothing much Duffer. Just sitting and thinking.?! May be"
"What is that you are thinking ? Did I disturb you?"
How should I tell you that you disturbed my heart? HUH? Well obviously I didn't reply him with this. Instead I said, " Ofcourse NO, these thoughts they stay within me all the time. SO NO you did not disturb me Duffer.."
"I really loved how I enjoyed today at my college. You know what happened? "
"Acha, what happened ? Good that you enjoyed. Me happie happie"
And then he told me how his day went on. For a minute I could feel all his joy as mine, I laughed and commeneted along with him. Isn't this kind off like love? Like how I wanted to feel for him like this forever? Only if forever is real though.
He then texted me that it was his dinner time and went offline. I replied at his texts and threw my phone away. I bought my personal journal and begun writing...
"Love, is a complicated feeling isn't it? When can I name some feeling as love? Can I call it love, when I know I have to let him go even if it is hard for me? Can I call it love, if he speaks to me like I speak to him? Can I call it love, if we look at each other like we mean the world? Can I call it love, if I have hope on us ? Will this be love, if we make bare promises? Will this be love, if we cannot live without speaking to each other? Isn't attachment a form of love? Isn't hope a block of love?
Will I be ever out of him? Can I call this love?
To be with him is not my decision, but of the destiny. To make him the one for me, lies in the mutual way.
To keep him within is my choice, to let him ruin me is my voice.
Will I make him mine? Or will I become his only to keep him within?
He looks at me like I love to be looked at, so shall I presume this to be love?
Oh dear destiny, Oh dear destiny, I know you already decided things yet promise me to not hurt me if it is something that wouldn't be mine..."
I did not know whether I wrote all this just like that or if I expressed what I was actually feeling inside. Writing carries that magic. You would never be able to judge a person's article without knowing the story that person faced between those lines. I did not like thinking about him. All I knew was I was not supposed to feel this way, all I knew was I would end up in hurt if I carry this feeling. But, I also know I would end up hurting myself if I controlled falling in love. Or may be, I already fell in love, may be I am too much scared to accept that I fell in love. I do not wish to tell him how much he means to me. I may not be able to answer if he questions how this happened. Well, I was lost in his thoughts. I don't know why but I couldn't just stay calm when it is related to him. And then another notification.
"Ate. Did you? "
"Nope. Not in a mood."
"Still lost in thoughts?"
"Perhaps..."
"Do not forget to eat Dummy. Just because you are filled with thoughts doesn't mean you are supposed to skip the dinner. So eat."
"YEP DUFFER ! Pakka"
"Well, good girl. I am super sleepy. But before I wish you a good night. I have something to ask.."
What tf he wants to ask me. Shit, am I shivering. Okay cool down.
"Yep Duffer... ask me before I get a heart attak"
"(laughing emoji) Well, tomorrow, it is Saturday... So... Can we just meet. I can come and pick you up or may be we can go to a movie together. Soo what say..?"
Okay. wait. my.. heart. stopped. working.?! I have to get back my senses to reply for his text. Well. Ofcourse, my mom is going to kill me if I say its with a boy alone. Damn. I wish I could say yes. AHH. What should I do? What should I do? What should I reply?
"Ahh... I don't know, Duffer. I really want to meet you too, but you know it might not be possible... I am sorry for not saying a yes..."
"Auhm thats okay Dummy. I should have thought about it. Its okay, may be some other day we can meet. I will sleep now. Good night Dummiee <3"
I replied him with a goodnight text and put on some music. Somehow, music is the only thing that calms me. Faasle by Aditya Rikhari was running in the background. Uhm ThE musIC iS THe heAVEn.
I lied down on my bed looking at the ceiling. I don't know what exactly was running in my mind. I slept apathetic.
------------------------------xxxx---------------------------------
I did not realise I slept. It was 6 in the morning. And when I checked my phone to know the time, that notification of Good morning from Duffer was already there. I smiled. Got up from my bed and then brushed my teeth, had bath and finished my breakfast. I replied to his text then. I somehow wanted to reply him late so I just did that. Ours is not exactly a relationship, but he does know that I consider him as a person who is more than a friend for me. Well he told me the same few days ago. We always had a thing between us. Atleast I feel that way. Then why aren't we in a relationship? Because he said he is unpredictable and is afraid of commitment, he told all this casually and not because we had a "thing". My mind was somehow looking back on the conversartions we had. I was re-living all those moments that I named as love. Clearly, we were not just friends. I think even he knew it. We were more than friends but less than lovers. May be this generation would name our relationship as situationship... I don't know but I wouldn't name it anything because all I know is I love him and nothing else. We are actually complete different persons with different desires and mindsets. Yet, something about him made me fall for him. May be I do not expect the same from him, may be I expect the same too because he knows what I feel about him.Complicated ! He said he felt the same too some days ago. AHH WHY GOD WHY ? WHY AM I THINKING THIS MUCH? So to stop thinking I started writing my thoughts and in that whole process I decided to confess him like a real thing. I mean, as I said we were almost like lovers but are not, I wanted to forget the word almost. I know thats scary but I wanted to do that anyways.
I held my phone then started typing, erased it, typed again, again erasaed it. I kept doing that for about 10 minutes. And then my phone vibrated. Ah , it gave me a mini heart attack.
He texted me, "Dummie, you there?"
"Hey , huhh, as always I am there. haha"
"All good? You sound weird ..."
"Nope, nothing like that duffer, I was about to text you, casually..."
"Acha, listen I have to tell you something..."
Wait what! What does he wants to tell me? Okay let me calm down first. Oh god!
[ TO BE CONTINUED...]