Belief, Betrayal, and the Silence of God

Devotion – an emotion that runs very deep in most of the Indian women. I have always wondered why most of the women are drawn towards the concept of devotion and believing in someone else naming themselves as Swamy – the barrier between a normal person and a superpower called God. 

Why is it mostly women? That question stayed with me for a long time.

Women often take on a large share of childcare and housework, and it can be exhausting while men are not even patient enough to simply listen to what their lady is trying to say. They deserve support, understanding, and time to care for themselves as well as their families. Even after being happily married and having lovely children, a woman has experienced loneliness and despair due to male egoism, ferociousness, and the belief that "I am a Man and I am never wrong." has made a woman feel lonely, despair and alone even after being happily married and having beautiful children.

In the name of God,

He betrays without fear.

She remains unmoving.

He reaches for power.

She folds into surrender.

He crowns himself divine.

She learns devotion as duty.

Because of these patriarchal beliefs and systems, women have developed a strength in God and a type of energy that is always willing to listen. God never provides answers to people. He simply provides you with tranquillity, time and mental stillness so that you can discover the answers on your own. And hence, when women visit a temple, they stretch their hands to God, recite a mantra, and their whole mind is for once away from family, tensions and responsibilities. That's when they get what they want. It is not God providing the solutions directly, but it is their subconscious mind finding different ways to solve a problem. And sometimes people can call their subconscious mind as a powerful energy or precisely God.

I'm not criticising God; rather, I'm using psychology, or the science of mind to understand the idea.

I am not an atheist, nor am I someone who blindly believes in people disguised as Swamys. I strongly question those who exploit faith—especially the emotions of women—by conducting so-called poojas and homas, demanding unjustifiably large sums in the name of devotion. In such cases, whose fault is it truly—the woman longing to feel closer to God, or the man who manipulates her faith for his own gain? If God truly exists, then surely those who betray belief in His name would find no rightful place in this world.

When it comes to God, my devotion is different. I have a different perspective on faith, hope, and assistance. I believe in feeding people who have been starving for years, aiding those who lack limbs or the strength to work and earn a living, and praying with my heart and mind rather than simply idols.  Everyone who knows me is aware of how frequently I visit temples, temples dedicated to various locations and deities.  What amazes me most during these visits is not devotion itself, but the brilliance of the architecture – the mind that conceived the temple and the sculptor whose hands transformed stone into divinity. One cannot help but wonder how gifted and blessed that sculptor must have been to carve from rock the very form we now idolise and pray to.

Tell me this—no one truly knows what God looks like, yet that sculptor imagined Him into being. So are we really praying to the God within the idol, or are we bowing our heads and folding our hands in silent gratitude to the artist who gave us a tangible image of the divine?

God is both power and terror. We commit sins and pray to God to cleanse us of them. Why would you do something bad if you were terrified of getting punished by him?

 

As I spoke earlier about male ego, I am reminded of a mythological belief that has stayed deeply with me. It is said that there is only one true Man in the universe, Lord Sri Vishnu and that everything else emerges from Prakriti, the feminine, dynamic energy. In this belief, every soul, whether born into a man’s body or a woman’s, is inherently feminine in essence.

When the soul attains its highest form of peace through death, it does not end but moves on to another body. This is why there is a Telugu saying: “మరణం దేహానికే కానీ ఆత్మకి కాదు”, which translates to “Death is for the physical body, not for the soul within.”

A man, too, is capable of love, tenderness, and emotional depth because of this feminine energy that resides within him. If that is so, why cling to ego when it holds no true place in life? This belief may not align with logic or science, but it resonates deeply with me—and sometimes, belief does not need proof to feel true.

If devotion is a refuge, it is because the world has failed to be one. If women turn towards God, it is not out of weakness but exhaustion, an exhaustion born from carrying too much for too long without being heard. Perhaps true devotion is not found in rituals or idols, but in unlearning ego, offering kindness, and choosing compassion towards others and ourselves.

And if God exists, maybe he does not ask to be worshipped at all – only understood.

 

The Unsaid Goodbyes

Remember when we were kids, we used to talk to every random person in our class and make them our friends based on choices that matched ours? Remember those good old days, when you made it very clear to your friend by saying “dosth” or “kachhi”? Where did all that time go?

I’ve always heard people say that friendships formed at the wrong time can ruin lives, and that one small misunderstanding can burn bonds held for years. Maybe growing up proves that saying right. Making friends at the age of 11 or 12 and holding onto them for life can surely be considered luck. But what about adult friendships? How do you connect with those rare few in your early twenties, seemingly out of nowhere, at a time when you didn’t even know you needed them? To all those people in my life, thank you. But this one is for the friendships that faded slowly, unknowingly, and without any intention of hurting anyone.

As kids, friendship was about who shared your candy or your favourite game. As adults, it’s about who shows up when life gets messy. And when you realise that the friend who saw you in tears is now just a memory, it hits hard—harder than an Elachi in biryani.

Some friendships disappear not with a fight, but quietly, like the last light of evening. One minute, you’re enjoying the silence on a beach; the next, you realise how alone you’ve been all along. Those unsaid goodbyes, those archived memories, those lost giggles—they all hit your heart and mind at once, like a sudden thunderstorm on a sunny day. That’s when you realise how important and difficult it was to make the decisions that led you here.

It was never a mistake. It has never been about forgiveness. It has always been about timing and destiny. Maybe, if things had gone the other way, they would have remained the same close friend—but it’s okay to let go of that beautiful memory. If you hadn’t let go, perhaps it wouldn’t have stayed beautiful. Every friendship, whether fleeting or lifelong, leaves a trace. It’s also about carrying the warmth of those memories forward, letting them quietly shape who you are, and finding gratitude in having experienced that connection, however brief or long it may have been.

The most painful goodbyes are not just the ones whispered in silence, but also those spoken aloud when you realise the friendship has become toxic. Those unsaid goodbyes, though they hurt, are meant to preserve a few memories as fresh and beautiful as possible—for a lifetime. They remind us that love, laughter, and even the quiet sadness of letting go are all part of the journey, and that every friendship, whether near or far, leaves a mark on the heart that time can never erase.

Together we lived,

together we smiled,

all of that now

fades into miles.

 

Nostalgia—

or just déjà vu?

How has it been

since those empty tea cups

stopped listening to our gossip?

 

Even in the silence,

there’s a warmth that lingers,

carrying bits and pieces

of the time we had.

 

What was lost

can never be found,

yet it can be cherished, 

when the moment comes. 

Untitled Friendships

Friendsips are the hardest to maintain, aren't they? Well, technically friendships are not gardens that needs maintanence. They are more like the living organisms inside the garden. Both plants and weeds, flowers and thorns, butterflies and bees. Yet, friendships are more like the tender yet hardened rose petals. You get it ? Its more like as soft as rose flower, that we keep preserving even after knowing that its going to dry up someday and after it gets dried up, we try to reserve the rose thorugh different art forms like resin art.

Oh dear friend,

be my spring,

lend me the colours of you

Oh dear friend,

be my monsoon,

lend me the beauty of accepting the storms

Oh dear friend,

be my autumn,

teach to let go

Oh dear friend,

be my summer

remind me of our moments together 

and bless me with nostalgia...

We do have some friendships, that we miss the most yet we know thats the only way of forgiving the same. Sometimes we miss the fun, sometimes we miss the talks, sometimes we miss the goofiness and sometimes we miss their support. People say effortless friendships are quite special and rare. The truth is that, we just assume that there is absence of effort where in reality atleast a cent percent of effort can be seen from both the ends. Sometimes we acknowledge and most times we ignore. Such are the frienships that are never forgotten neither are reminded. With time, we forget how we spent our time in thouse frienships, and with time we also miss the time how we spent. People change, and so their persepectives. Forgiving is easier than forgetting.

To that friend who became an invisible meaning between the lines I write, 

These letters ache by bleeding from the past,

the letters ace the grief of the biassed

You have been acknowledged,

not in words but in the silence

for the better good that can happen

only with the galaxies apart,

may be for this timeline,

our friendship is a mirage.

The stories that revolved around

might have merely been a sham

The time is only to accept but not change,

the memories are only to live not to hurt.

This is a tribute to the friendships that we know are coming to an end. An end to the conversations, the strength, the pleasure, and the memories. The silence would be the only part that lives in the relation with every other random situation reminidng us about how we lived in the past. May be, this is how we are built to function as. We forgive, but we don't express out loud. We miss, but we won't reveal how much. We accept, but we won't let anyone know that we are sick of it. 

Take a moment, thank them, fight with them and forgive them. Them being those friends who stayed, and whom you have never let go of. Its hard to make decisions that end up in pain. But, its okay to let go off those friendships where you have struggled more than being happy. Let them know, that you have been hurt, let them know that its not okay to have no efforts from them, let them know that its has been more of a burden or an obligation than a relief. Take decisions, which are right and not those which are easy. When you look back at them after a few years, you would be happy that you chose them. 

Pixie - Part 4

The final part it is.! Hope you read the previous part if not, do click on the hyper link Pixie - Part 3 attached here!

Happy Readingg!! 

[Continuation]

He remained silent and sat next to me after our last conversation. Now we were both watching, slowly and placidly, as the sun rose again from the ocean. The sky's hues were more pleasing.

“Each color represents an emotion. And to make the sky’s kingdom a balanced one, Lord Surya has promised to remind all the clouds, beaches, and mountains that he will shine so colorfully every day in the mornings and evenings. This is a theory, you know, Pixie.

“Where did you find it?"

“In my mind!” I smiled at him, being very impressed.

“Well, I do know a theory. Want to know?”
"Of course yes, Pixie!”

“Well, it seems that the sun once expressed its love for the moon. The moon has not answered any because if it had said yes, then the sun would have exploded its brightness out of happiness, and if it had said no, then the world’s brightness would have been completely eradicated. So, the moon simply said, ‘I don’t know’ and continued to orbit both Earth and the sun. Whenever they met or completely distanced outside their vicinity, the universe would either be blocked out of the sunlight or would have been too much brighter, which we know as an eclipse.”

He was amazed by this. I could tell this from his expressions.

"Okay, don’t be too amazed; I found the first half of this theory on Instagram; the eclipse and revolving part, I added it.”

“Pixie! This is beyond wonderful… How? How could your mind be this beautiful?”

“AH! Okay, relax, Mihir!” I seriously do not know how to take compliments!

“Okay, so since you said living is through admiring and accepting the truth, how are you living right now? On what truth?”

Interesting. I wasn’t prepared for this question.

“My truth? What do you mean?”

“Your truth means you! The real reason behind your current state of being. The good and the bad truths, the lonely and the popular truths, the deepest desires, and the unwanted parts of your truths.”

It's the most profound question someone has ever posed to me. I couldn't take my eyes off of him.

“Well, my truth of life comes from the ideology of being free, unmasked, and crazy. I always had this dream to travel the world, adopt their cultures and languages, and fall in love with every moment I lived. Sometimes, obviously, we turn into someone we never want to be like, and that is when I understood all we must do in our lives is accept irrespective of how we turned out to be like. If you are unable to accept who you are, then make the necessary changes and give yourself what you can. Even though you can't always give, you can still accept. Accept everything—letting go, learning, apologizing, questioning, and accepting oneself. I have come to realize that giving is just as vital as accepting after moving to Bombay. Bombay is also my home, if Hyderabad is. Since Bombay is where I began living my truth, I believe I love it just as much as my hometown.

“What about love truths? Have you ever been in love?”

I giggled. “I believe that I fall in love far too easily. So yes, I have been in love. And everytime I fell in love, love made me believe I am a fool. Yet somehow, I keep falling into the same pothole. There was a guy I remember with whom I first felt like I loved, I understood what love feels like, I felt different emotions, and that same guy was the reason I sometimes hated love. Things were never easy after that. I was furious at men, I was furious at love, I was disturbed and I was sad. Listening to the blame which you are not even a part off is more hurtful than actual pain. May be that’s why love has never been in my list of life…"

I did not realize my voice was fading out. I was sad. And he placed his hand on my cheeks and told me, "The one feeling that has the power to both create and break us is love. You've come a long way, escaping your past and embracing life's freedom. This level of fortitude to accept things as they are would never be seen in anyone. And as a result, I have more respect for you and am proud of you.”

I gave him a weak smile, and he continued speaking. You know, I felt like my life was on the upswing when I first met Amrutha. Her smile was all that kept me going. My parents were unaware of the stress I experienced from my job. Another thing I wasn't very good at was my degree. For my parents, I kept going after my physics degree. My passion for photography and cinematography has always been strong. Amrutha was the driving force behind my decision to choose this career path rather than continuing with my degree. She is the reason I discovered myself, and she is the reason I developed fear of relationships. Seems contradictory, right? She was the most beautiful girl, but she never valued my likes and dislikes. She used to judge me for having friends of the opposite sex. She used to stalk my Instagram followers. She was tough. And I accepted everything about her only because I loved her. Sometimes love was tolerance too. And when she said she wanted a break in our relationship, I was confused, sad, and happy. I felt guilty for feeling happy, yet I felt the same because I was set free from her love.”

“Do you still love her?”

“I do not know.”

We both stayed silent. This silence was the proof of the beautiful friendship between us. I felt like a kid whenever I was with him. He used to pamper me, and I loved that always. We were both tired souls, stuck in love and unlove.

“Kiara, you were the reason I felt alive again. You never judged me, even after knowing a few secrets of mine. You acknowledged my truths, likes and dislikes, the way I am.

*Tring *Tring

Damn these phones, why do they interrupt us? He calmly went far away. He generally tells me to excuse me, but now he doesn't know why? I sat there, wondering who it might be. None of my business, but duh! I have a curious mind. I sat in confusion for about 20 minutes.

He came back with slow steps; his expression was not understandable.

“Pixie…Amrutha is in Bombay. She wants to meet me."

Oh. Amrutha. Yeah, she is his girlfriend I remember, but why is she back?

“Oh. That is nice.”

“I do not know what I am supposed to do. But before anything else, let me just say something. More like my truth. I have named you Pixie because you were like that star dust, pixie dust! That has come into my life to guide me in my darkness. You were that fairy for me.”

“Why are you telling me this now? Out of blue?”

“I wanted to tell before I lose a moment between us."

I did not understand what he meant, but all I know and all I realize is that he should not be more than a friend to me.

“Ahm, okay.” There was more that he wanted to tell me. However, he didn't. We have never felt this uncomfortable, but now that we are facing each other and standing together, we realize that we have connected in a way that words cannot describe. He and I both feel something for each other, but we are unable to express it, so we end up talking to each other in quiet.

“I will meet you some other time... I must go.”

“Yep, sure. Have fun! Say Hi to Amrutha."

“Amrutha doesn’t know about you."

“What?”

“Well, I told her that I made a new friend who is too good but she doesn’t know that we are this close."

“Oh, never mind. It is okay.”

“What do you think about her?”

“Will it matter?”

“Yes, it does.”

“How?”

"Ahm, maybe it will help me clear my confusion.”

“What if the confusion just gets worse?”

“Why will it?”

"Because I have feelings for you.”

And I said it. I broke the silence between us. “Mihir, I must go. I cannot stay long here. Not anymore. Aira warned me about this and about what might happen. I should have listened to her. Its okay. I have some work to do. Sorry for cancelling today’s plans. Update me on your meeting up with your girlfriend. Bye!”

I walked too fast to leave the beach. I could see that he was still standing in the same place with more confusion. I do not know if confessing to him was the right thing to do. But I dared. I dared to confess because that would make things easier. Easier to let go and easier to accept. I went to a café nearby. I ordered my cup of coffee. It has been two hours already since I left him and came here. That’s when he sent me a text.

“Kiara, you have been more than a beautiful friend to me. I remember the first time we met. It was a few months ago. To be precise, it has been 8 months since we met. I never felt as owned as I felt with you. I never felt at home with a person until I met you. We have been more jovial and truer to ourselves. And now, I only wish we had met earlier. I wish I could change a lot of things just to be with you, just to make your brightness my power. But I fail to do so. I cannot unlove Amrutha, even if it is toxic. I cannot let go of things that have banded me within their strings. I only wish you had come into my life earlier. I have fallen for you a long time ago. And I realize that you too have fallen for me. Trust me, next time you won't fall in love; instead, you will rise in love for someone who is worth it. At that point, you’ll realize how unique you are. I cannot hurt you, but I ended up doing so. Our dreams might collide someday, and our destinies might rewrite themselves someday. But for today, you are a free bird lost in the sky of love. I promise, you will surely find someone who is more of a gentleman and less of an asshole. The only thing that is stopping me from acknowledging the fact that I love you is the possibility of how far Amrutha can go if I break her heart. She might go mad, and I cannot tell you those consequences. Maybe you are right; accepting is hard, and once you accept, there is nothing that stops you. I failed to accept, and so I failed myself. Thanks for everything, Pixie! ”

Tears rolled down my cheeks. I was not particularly sad, but I was a little lost. I needed to be alone, but not lonely, to maintain my composure. I texted Aira about everything right away. I then turned off my data after that. I took my diary and sat there. I can live without him because I lived before him. I want to live up to the belief in love that he instilled in me.

“Really things do not have ends, feelings do not have any timing, certainly. If one could turn back the time, he would become a magician for now, but who would have taken the responsibility for all the wounds that have been formed from the fragmented pieces of time?"

And I knew this is another chapter in my life that had begun and ended abruptly…

  

PIXIE - PART 3

For the previous part, you on click on the hyperlinks attached here ;)

 Pixie - Part 1 & Pixie - Part 2

(Continuation)

“So... What exactly is the next step for you in dating?” He asked me with a deep interest.

“I don’t think I can put this in words in a right way. But I think I am not a person who can give so much in a relationship. I start feeling suffocated if I am in a relationship for more than some time. Maybe, that is the reason I broke up with the guy in my first relationship. I couldn’t explain why I broke up properly neither to him nor to my best friend. It all happened in a span of time because I felt jammed in relationship. I think I run away than solve this issue of commitment. So, if you ask me what is the next step in dating, I think I would have to tell you that it is destiny’s choice.”

“So, you mean you don’t want to end your relation or dating into a next step?”

“True love doesn’t end. Not in the steps, not anywhere. It is just a process and it keeps happening. We might lose people in that process; we might lose our hope too but love never dies or goes out of the way. All, I believe is people teach us love with their existence, and I would want to cherish it. I might actually be very fitting into the present generation, yet in the end all I wish for is to get some handwritten letters, flowers, being crazy together and coloring the world with each’s presence.”

He was quiet again. So, I decided to ask him. “Mihir, you told me you were in a relationship…what did you get from it?”
“Ahh, yeah. I had been in a relationship for about 3 years. Things didn’t go well between us. I realized I was in a toxic relationship, yet I had survived in the same, for few months. And then, she said she needed a break. I was confused. I did not know if there is something like taking a break from people we love. Space is different from taking a break. She knows that, I could never say no to her so I simply told her yes. Little did I know the time span of a break would be 6 months…”

He was sad. I didn’t know if he was crying, but I put my hand on his shoulders trying to console him. We, people do not understand how much pain we give others because of our own toxicity. Sometimes we hurt unintentionally and sometimes we hurt people because we take them for granted. There is no in between.

“Listen, you need not feel guilty for anything. People do not realize the beauty of others till they lose them. Eventually, they will come back to you only if destiny decides so. If they do not come, it means much better is yet to come… Now, if you do not smile and come to eat Vada Pav, anna would close the shop, my stomach would start growling, and I would become a hangry woman!”

He gave a weak smile. I stood to take him to the vada pav stall. And instantly, I fell because of my shoe lace! Damn another embarrassing moment! He started laughing, atleast this moment made him forget his worries and that is what all matters. We came near the stall finally!

“Kaise ho beti? Bahot din ke baad aayi ?”

“Ji, anna. Friend ke saath ayi aaj. Marine drive pe aye aur hum aapke Vada Pav na khaye ! Kabhi nahi! 2 Specials, extra chutney ke saath!”

“Ji beti, aap log aaram se baitiye!”

“You seem like the main source of income!” He joked.

“Obviously! The only food that tastes so good here is this! MY hostel food sucks half of the time. Whenever I feel like eating something good, or in need of a good company this is the best place!”

We had to wait for almost 15 minutes. I wandered around with my camera to shoot people and lifestyle, and he just sat looking at me enjoying my passion. I really wish I had a chance to enter into his brain.

I went a little far to take a photo of a young boy whose expression described loneliness. I captured him and bought him to this Vada Pav shop. By then, Mihir was holding two plates of Vada Pav.  I smiled at him and took one plate to give it to that boy. He was more than happy. He thanked me and left hurriedly to feed it to his sister. Damn, it was a very precious moment. I turned towards Mihir and he had a very proud expression on his face. I started blushing?! WHY GOD!

When I was about to order another plate of Vada Pav, he offered me from his plate. There were two sets, of which he offered me one. I couldn’t refuse. Because it is Vada Pav and not because it was Mihir. Duh! I’ve got a text from my roommate, to return to the room because they were closing the hostel gates. It was already 9:30 p.m. and I lost the track of time. My friend gave me a warning that if I was not in hostel in ten minutes, she would kill me. Shit! Why do I have to hurry up instead enjoying such beautiful and precious moments?!

“Mihirr!, sorry! I have to leave right now! I wanted to show you the beauty of this place, but then time has got some other plans. I am really so sorry. We will catch up tomorrow if you are free, at the Juhu beach by 6:30 in the morning. Beautiful sunrise! Byee! Sorryyy again!” He was sad that I had to leave but we’ve got no other option.

“It is okay Pixie! It is good that you actually made a plan to Juhu Beach. I love beaches! Just text me once you reach your hostel!”

“Yep! Sorry! You too text me! Byee” I started running without looking back. I had to reach there within 7 minutes, therefore that was the only way!

 

I have finally reached my room and hear all the ‘Bombay words’ from my roommate’s.  And finally, when I leaned on my bed, I have got a text message from Mihir.

“Pixie! Reached?”

“Yep! Just now. Wbu?”

“Yepp! So tomorrow? In morning 6:30, right?”

“Yess! Do not be late! I am warning you if I miss my sunrise moment, you would be dead!”

“Okay madam, your wish is an obligation for me.”

I started smiling. How things eventually change!

“Well then, good night!”

“Good night :)”

I threw my phone to the corner of my bed and kept recollecting the conversation we had. I was so tired that I did not realize I fell asleep…

 

[NEXT DAY]

 

I open my eyes and look at the clock beside me. I sit in a rush and start expediting things to catch up the bus at 5:28 a.m. to reach Juhu beach atleast by 6:30. I looked at my phone, and I already have around 5 missed calls from Mihir. Damn! I text him that I would be there by 6:30 and assured him that I was not planning to skip this. And finally, I hopped on to the bus and reached the beach exactly at 6:28 a.m.

I was wondering where he is. I tried to call him, but it was futile. So, I saw a spot in the beach and sat there where there was no crowd. I put down my bag and the camera, and started looking at the waves and the sun. It felt surreal. I felt like I have paused the time, and sat in peace with no things to do and no questions to answer. It felt light, my heart felt light.

“Boo!”

I jerked. Idiot, I yelled within.

“Good morning, Pixie!” He handed me something which was made out of paper. Oh, good lord, Flower bouquet! HANDMADE? For me!? I cannot take this. I was more than happy, the inner child in me started crying. Am I having tiny tears in my eyes? NO!

“God! NO! Thank you! I didn’t know you had this talent!”

“Nah, you deserve them! Like the pearls in the ocean, found by the rarest one’s, you are someone who is yet to be found.”

“You seem to be in a different mood today…?”

“In a good way or a bad way?”

“You look so bright, and cheerful.”

“Well, if I am meant to be the power, then my whole source of brightness is you!” he winked.

WHAT THE F? Did he flirt with me? “Are you kidding me? Since when did you start flirting?” I was totally red when I said this.

“No! I am not flirting. I was speaking facts. Literally, your name means brightness and shine. So I simply uttered facts.”

“God, you are crazy!”

“Well, I am. By the way, why are we here?”

“To live!”

“And, what does ‘to live’ mean?”
“To live is to admire and admit the truth.” 

[To be continued...]

PIXIE - PART 2

(This is the second part of the story, in case you haven't read the first part please do click on the attached hyperlink - PIXIE 1 and you would be directed to the first Part. Happiee Reading < 3)

The night seemed more colder today, or may be its my imagination. The marine drive is 15 minutes’ walk from here. Did I ever imagine I would introduce my favorite Vada Pav and my favorite spot here to someone? NOPE! Am I crazy that I am walking in the night with a guy I met a couple of months back? Its not that I don’t trust him, but neither does it mean I trust him! Boys these days fall in love if a girl shows a pea size of concern. Girls, are also a little too fast to be honest. Well, who am I to judge, though? Maybe I have trust issues.

 

“What are you so immersed in? Life? Or how to make Vada pav?” OH, Shit I forgot that I am not alone.

“Ahoh, sorry I forgot your existence!”

“Am I that easy to be forgotten?”

“No, I didn’t mean it that way. I was lost in my thoughts.”

“So you mean, I am very hard to wipe out from your memories?”

IS he flirting? What is he talking!

“You are way out of my league of words!”

“That’s a compliment. Thank you, princess.” He just bowed to me? WHY?

“Are you always like this? “

“This fun? And cute? And handsome you mean?”

“Annoying!?”

“10 points for your sense of humor!”

And by laughing together, we walked for few minutes. And, then out of blue, I started saying,

“Moments of laughter,

Shall be only mine.

For the world that doesn’t belong nowhere,

These seconds are mine.

And for now

Let my heart capture thee…”

 

“WOAHHH! Pixie? You are a Poet?” His eyes were as big as the moon, if that Is what is the biggest circle in my universe. He was surprised and excited that made me realize I spoke in a poetic way.

“Technically, I used to write poems, lets say years back. Now I don’t.”

“Some past?”

“No, no, no. Its just that now I am more into Photography and Travelling. I make sure I capture my words as pictures.” I said smiling.

“You love photography and Travelling a lot, right?”

“I worship them.”

“Why?”

“That’s a question?” I couldn’t stop laughing. “Well, Do you have a couple of minutes for my words?”

“My time’s all yours, ma’am!”  He bowed again! DAMN.
“Well, because what is life without travelling? In this huge world, where every corner of the planet is incomparably beautiful, isn't it foolish to not be seeing them all? if life is full of uncertainties and no one knows how the next day would look like, why not make today beautiful by exploring a part of this vast beauty? The whole world, for me is a treasure hunt, and I would never want to miss finding out its secrets. New people, new traditions and new seekings. Would I ever be bored of life? Never! And why photography? When I am given the opportunity to time travel, pause and reminisce the moments I loved the most, why wouldn’t I cherish it? Its my emotion and its my story telling. It's a language that I'd prefer and a narrative that I'd deliver.”  

I knew I was too ahead of him only after I had to pause to see his look. I was unable to interpret his feelings. I needed to make sure I said everything correctly. He staggered, and I had to take a few backward steps at that point.

"Mihir, is everything okay?"

“Hey… I have never met someone who spoke like you. I.. am .. really impressed..”

His eyes spoke these words, as a desire to express his admiration which was as huge as the ocean.

“Ah.. Thank you..” I had to tuck my hair behind my ears. Oh, wait, is that sign of shyness? Damn, this guy is making me do things I never felt. “Come on now, we are half way to the Vada Pav.”

“Its okay, When will this Vada-Pav stall close?”

“Ahm, may be 4 in the morning?!”

“WHAT?”

“That is the specialty of this stall. It runs over the midnight and would be shut in the morning. Most of the stalls here are the same way.”

“So it means, we have a lot of time before we actually eat Vada Pav. Perhaps, we also have a lot to talk.”

Nothing he said made sense for me at this moment. I was quiet. He wants to talk, but about what?

“Kia, you are on bumble, right?’

“Ah, yes I am. Why?”

“Nothing. You are aware that I am on Bumble as well. All I wanted to know was why you were using a dating app. Not that I'm passing judgement, but I'm interested to know. Since naturally occurring rainbows are uncommon, they won't be readily accessible. You are such a rainbow, and people should search for them patiently and with difficulty.

Suddenly, my entire face got red. "It is true that I believe in love, but not in made-up love. We should, in my opinion, find someone with whom we can travel the world, share leftover food, have crazy conversations, and generally feel validated and secure. Since, I do not believe in marriages, I must make sure I find the one who is suitable for me. And, this might help me getting a PhD in understanding men ;)”

“You do not believe in marriages? What does that even mean?” He was more shocked than surprised.

“Why is that so surprising? Because I want to date without any purpose?” I attempted to make a joke, but I’m not sure whether it came out right.

"No, no. That is not how I intend it. However, why?

"I think a marriage is a really complicated relationship. Even while it doesn't always end horribly, there are instances when it does take away your peace of mind, and I don't want to find myself in that circumstance. If I were to die, I would prefer to die from my regrets, my chances, and my own bothersome thoughts rather than from the sacrifices I make for a man. I don't want to cause suffering or receive it in return.

We both are sitting on the walkway now. And I look at my mobile’s lock to find out the time. It was past 8:30 p.m. I did not realize that we spent almost 1 hour together. I don't believe I have never witnessed Mihir being so nonplussed. Maybe. I had always known him to be someone who smiled and spread smiles, even if we had only met twice or three times. He is certain of what he does and knows what he wants. His beliefs, values, and points of view always sounded fair. However, his current appearance completely contradicts what I knew about him. I'm not sure if it's because of what I said and how I feel or because of his inquiries and revelations.

“Mihir, why do you look so blank? Do my answers feel like wrong?”

“HEY! NO! Its just that they are so deep. You know? Its been almost a few months since we met, and I assumed I knew you. I came to conclusion that you love photography, traveling and all but I never really knew you from inside. Now, you are just like a mystery box that I am talking to and that’s healing an unknown part of mine…”

And then, he put his hands on mine. I didn’t exactly understand what he’s trying to tell me with his eyes. They carried much deeper emotions, may be more like questions and a lot. We were just friends, and all I knew was that. But at this moment, I felt an instant connection, more like a spark .  I always had these thoughts on my mind, but I expressed them in the right way very rarely and now to this guy, I don't even know what harmones are making me feel so comfortable to talk! I think he's got too many questions in his brain. I wonder if they would all actually get answers.

[To be continued...]

PIXIE - PART 1

 A fictional love story! Happiee Reading!! <3

" Its 7'O clock in the evening. I am sitting here, all by myself with a cup of Coffee e and pizza and of course my diary. I had the best morning today! Watched sunrise on the Marine drive, captured Beautiful Portraits on the way, Had Vada Pav (not in my favorite place, yet it was so tasty!!)! Okay eating Vada Pav in the morning hits differently and I think burger is just over rated food item and I do not mind people's opinion but Vada Pav >>> burger. I think it’s a crime to even compare something beautiful with something casual. Then when I came back to my room, looking at my friends and the chaos they created I sighed and made a little space on my bed to watch all those idiots do drama. Ours, is a Girls collage and I think people generally underestimate the fun girls can have. May be, the only thing we might not be having is boys in our life BUT Boom, we can meet and befriend guys yearly once and all credits to the fests that our university conducts. I "

 

My phone buzzed with so many texts as if it’s an emergency. And duh, it is my best friend. Now, I know that my phone wouldn't stop buzzing until I give that idiot a reply. I had to close my diary, had a sip of my coffee, and took a deep breath because its code red from her which means she might have a relationship problem or a guy problem.

 

" Kai! CODE RED!

  I 

  am

  planning

  to ...

  Kai!

  K! 

  KIARA! 

  HEY BUSY LADY 

  I

  SAID

  CODE

  REDDDD! "

 

She is such a drama queen, my god. I feel bad for her partner. She messages 'Code Red' when she is in a charming peril rather than a dangerous one. It's more like when she wants to talk to me about anything after carefully considering her choice in what she did. This time, I wondered what she could have done. 

 

“REPLY ME! I recall that you had your final exam today, and I knew you would be alone yourself in the cafe. Thus, YOU IDIOT, REPLY ME BACK! "

 

I broke into a smile and began to respond after that.

 

" Aira! CALM DOWN. Give me some time! It has just been a minute since you sent me a text! BREATH IN AND OUT! Now tell me what were you planning to do???? (a smirk emoji) "

" Well, I wanted to set up a guy for you. HUHAH! Thank me later "

"This is why you texted Code Red? (again, a smirk) "

" Well, there is something else too... I am going. on. A ..date..."

 

Well done, girl! Somehow, I assumed it had to do with this. Despite Aira and Saryan have been dating for a couple of years, their love story is more like a fictional love at first sight and though they had been to several dates, this girl still feels it as the first one. She makes sure that I know about her date evenings. 

 

" Auh! This is not your first date AIRA! You and Saryan have already been to couple of dates!"

" OH, yeah but still!! DUH! Okay bye! I am getting late (a smiley and a shy emoji) "

 

What a girl she is! I smiled and then I started just glancing around. It was then I saw Mihir. My thoughts started to go back to when we had actually met. Being the head of the photography club, I had to attend a Street photo walk on behalf of my collage, which is how I first met Mihir a few months ago. He's been an amazing friend ever since. It seems like we've only had two meetings, yet we stay in touch through texts. There were times when we spoke on calls for hours too. Aira says he's a nice man in attitude who belongs in a fiction book, for his outstanding good looks. And I hate to admit that I develop a crush on him. (I really don’t know how and when!)

 

"HEYYI KIARAA!" He turned to face me as soon as he saw me across the counter.

And did I just make a strange face while dropping the cheese off the bite of pizza I was eating? Definitely! And Boom, he took a picture of me with this face, how embarrassing in just snap of moment! 

 

“MIHIR! Delete that photo! I look so stupid!” I was so furious because I looked so weird and he captured me like that!

 

“No, KI! You look so cute! How come you are still single?”

 

Because you are not! Lol! May be!

 

“Its been super long since we met. I was actually about to ask you for a meet up and I think nature heard me (wink wink).” 

How, can he smile so cute dude! In fact, even I thought of meeting him, but I was so preoccupied with studying for my tests and other obligations that I simply forgot he even existed person. When I'm really busy, I occasionally have a tendency to forget a lot of stuff.

           

“Yeah, even I thought the same. We can take Vodka shots now that you’re here (wink).”

 

“Pixie, do you drink?”

His face was bewildered as he asked! MORE OVER WHAT IN HELL IS PIXIE? I was never given a pet name, which is adorable and completely unrelated! OKAY, is he making me fall in love? If I say the same to Aira, she is going to kill me for sure!

 

“Pixie? Who is she? And yeah, I drink… You don’t, do you?” I was surprised to listen this from him.

 

“Pixie, is you. And yeah… I do not drink because I want stay pure and clean as long as possible.” He said this smiling giving me butterflies! Duh!

“But why Pixie?’

“Well, when we met the first time, you had a pixie haircut and you were so cute like that. So, I wanted to call you that.”

“Well, my haircut was not actually pixie but it was wolf cut. But, yeah thank you! Pixie sounds so good”

“Actually, Wolfie also sounds good. I can call you that too!”

“But that’s giving me vibes of dog name”

 

When I said that final thing, he burst out laughing and I enjoyed making him chuckle

And then I suddenly remembered how he wants to stay pure and clean.

 

“By the way, what makes you think that drinking will make you impure…?”

“Well, do not feel offended but alcohol makes your internal organs weary and you start feeling so sober that will make your thoughts heavy and sick. High blood pressure, Liver failure, chances of heart attack, pancreatic cancer”

 

“I interrupted him and prevented him from continuing. Alright, alright, alright. Okay, doctor, enough. Social drinking is OK. Okay, I'll forgo it for you for the time being and simply take you for a walk. Alright, sir? Or will fever and cold be brought on by the effect of the cold breeze?”

 

"K, you really do have a terrific sense of humor! Yes, I adore taking walks. It is also the most effective form of heart exercise (SMILE WITH A KILLER WINK). Where should we go next?

 

“Since you have never visited the western part of Bombay, where I currently reside, I will serve as your tour guide for the time being. First, we're heading to MARINE DRIVE, which is The Kiara's favorite place! After that, let's head to Gateway of India. Additionally, I'll take you to the most well-known vada pav Anna! You will fall in love with him, I promise!

 

"Oh my goodness, everything sounds so wonderful, but that last part—I fall for girls like you, not for the guy who sells Vada Pav—(wink again!)”

Is he kidding? Why is he making my life so much more difficult? GOD! Alright, let me settle the bill in this café, and then I'll take him out.

[To be continued...]